26 William, Nice start, making it clear which stories you'd be focusing on. Fine theme, and your first paragraph/story was written the best. In the second, you were too brief and you conclude with booby-trapping as "honor". I'd agree that is shows "tenacity" to the end. In your conclusion, you say you'd like to think we would have acted the way the Vietnamese did. I immediately said to myself, "really". Wasn't this sacrifice a uniquely Vietnamese trait in this war... the reason they prevailed? The paper still also exhibits some grammar/spelling/typo problems. Reminder: Always write history in past tense. These events have already happened. These speakers have already spoken about their stories. 29 Tish, Well done paper. I only deducted one point because your conclusion strayed a bit and tried to wrap up much more than the assigned topic/your theme. The paper still also exhibits some grammar/spelling/typo problems. 26 Tiffany, I *think* I figured out your theme of "sacrifice for duality". I certainly know what the words mean. But your support of that phrase differed in your story choices. For example, look at your last sentence. You mention "they would die for", but that did not apply to the Holland or Hoa stories. The paper still also exhibits some grammar/spelling/typo problems and a number of awkwardly worded sentences, which let to unsupported statements. 22 Robert, I was fine with your theme, passionate protesters, but your first story example left me asking, what was he (Tillman) protesting. I think this paragraph may have been too brief to clearly make your point. The paper still also exhibits some grammar/spelling/typo problems and a number of awkwardly worded sentences, which let to unsupported statements. Reminder: Always write history in past tense. These events have already happened. These speakers have already spoken about their stories. 26 Rebecca, Overall your writing was okay, but is was lacking the theme and your commentary on that theme. I'm still not sure what it was. "Military retraction from Vietnam"? If so, your first paragraph concludes with "he had no other choice". And your second ends with draft resisters believing their government was wrong. Truong's story doesn't seem to related to the "military retraction" theme at all, but the paper ends with what looks like a different theme... people fighting for what they believe is right/peace. The paper still also exhibits some grammar/spelling/typo problems. 30 Paul, Best paper in class. Best factual support. You've inspired me to contact the people at Moodle and see if we can't get the program to allow us to award MORE than the actual maximum points! I'd like to be able to use parts of this paper, anonymously, for future students to see as an example. Can I have your permission? (By the way, I do not intend to put ANY pressure on you. We personally don't know each other well enough to make any assumptions. I don't know if you are "protective" of your intellectual content or feel uneasy about this request. Perhaps you are just fine with it. I'll be just fine with your decision either way. Please send me a Moodle message with your reply.) 10 Scott, You wrote an intro paragraph with a supposed theme of "Vietnam". This was not a theme. But this original paragraph alone saved you from what I would have considered outright plagiarism. The next three paragraphs were nothing but quotes taken straight from the book. Surrounded on all sides by commentary and explanation in your own words, this would have been fine. As it was submitted, it is not. The paper exhibits a number of grammar/spelling/typo problems. 29 Nicholas, First, I'm glad we've had a chance to speak in person, in my office, towards the beginning of the term. Most students in the class do not have that little advantage. For me, it allowed me to see your point of view. At the conclusion of your first paragraph, you presented your theme. Fine. Your paper did turn into a bit of a soapbox, though. You write with conviction, which is helpful. Obviously, consider the how I scored the paper. So my brief comments to you (for improvement) would be the following: Be careful with the use of sarcasm in written communication, especially in academic papers. (eg. not the most effective means of stopping a war - first story paragraph) Avoid the cliche or spoken-type of word, and avoid rhetorical questions (eg. To what effect? Answer: none) I did enjoy the mention of the Prague Spring in your paragraph in the second story. Some might consider this a bit unfair, but I understand your position well, and your better-than-most knowledge of the Cold War. Finally, your last story paragraph on Hoa was simply too brief to make your point with the support an academic paper needs. 26 Mikco, Your paper was on the right track, but came across as rushed. I'm sure the exhibited grammar/spelling/typo problems influenced my view as well. Your theme, I gather, centered around fear, but was not very clear. For example, your second story paragraph was too brief and actually seemed to run contrary to the fear you wrote about in paragraphs 1 and 3. The last sentence in your conclusion is also pretty vague 22 Patrick, This paper was much too brief to answer my posed question well. What was your theme? "What ifs" You could have run this by me, as some other students did, just to be sure. I was "okay" with it, but the paragraphs and your explanations were just too brief to support it well. Your final 3 sentences are the strangest conclusion and not relevant to the Hoa story. If they were meant as you entire paper conclusion, they should have been in their own paragraph. And even if they were, they attempt to answer the ENTIRE Vietnam war? This is too big of a topic to address in this short assignment. 26 Name Witheld Your paper was on the right track, but came across as rushed. I'm sure the brevity of the first story paragraph influenced my view as well. Your second paragraph does a strange back and forth thing, with you guessing about someone might say if given the chance again. That does not represent the best evidence or support for your theme. I'm glad you are pursing a personal goal of finding the positive. I work at that myself... grading student papers aside :-) 30 Michael, Terrific theme. Well written and included the best factual support. You've inspired me to contact the people at Moodle and see if we can't get the program to allow us to award MORE than the actual maximum points! I'd like to be able to use parts of this paper, anonymously, for future students to see as an example. Can I have your permission? (By the way, I do not intend to put ANY pressure on you. We personally don't know each other well enough to make any assumptions. I don't know if you are "protective" of your intellectual content or feel uneasy about this request. Perhaps you are just fine with it. I'll be just fine with your decision either way. Please send me a Moodle message with your reply.) 30 Matthew, Great theme. Very well written and unique in this class. Your personal experiences were a welcome commentary on the stories you chose. Thank you for your service to our country. 28 Jeffrey, I'm glad you spoke with me about the time you spent on this assignment. I'm also glad you shared your writing challenges and upcoming classes you'll be taking. The score I've given you here does not reflect the English/grammar quality of the paper. You'll be officially working on that soon, just as you have been doing so during this course. Here are a few of my suggestions. Rights and responsibilities was a fine enough theme for the paper, but it must be limited to the Vietnam war the material you've been exposed to in this class. Your paper seemed to want to "take on" the entire subject of rights and responsibilities. This assignment is much too short and not the appropriate place to do that. Your first paragraph was the least organized in the paper. Inclusion of sentences like "the NAACP is a racist organization", without any real support of evidence (either from the text, videos, or any other reputable source) could almost sound like an expression of simple prejudice. Also, I would personally refrain from putting MLK and Malcolm X in the same sentence, and certainly from making blanket statements that they did more damage than good. None of these statements really even belong in this paper. It seemed as if you were wanting to write on something other than Vietnam. Remember, McNamara was the Secretary of Defense, so he was only really outranked by the President, the Commander in Chief. You also mention the communist "Domino Effect", but remember, things did NOT happen that way. It turned out to be an unfounded fear of our nation's leaders. All of Asia did not become communist, just because Vietnam did. Lastly, your last paragraph is the weakest, especially when you claim that "everything is opinion" and there are "not many facts". For the record, as your instructor, I care little about your personal opinions. I care only about the positions you take which can be supported with facts. In the case of this class, historical evidence is key. I know the subject matter you've seen/read in this class has been different than what you previously thought about the war. That's a good thing. To simply reject it all as opinion is not a reasonable conclusion. 22 Kelly, Fine theme, but it was not well supported or developed. In essence, your only "development" is in the last 2 sentences of each paragraph. This paper was just too brief to support your position well. The last paragraph story ends with "haunted by nightmares", yet you conclude that it supports your theme of perseverance. How? 26 Jennifer, Your second paragraph is the best one. In your first paragraph, you end up asking too many rhetorical questions. It's one thing to ask them and then to answer them. You can't ask them and then expect me to answer them. I encourage students to make it a rule not to ask rhetorical or hypothetical questions in their academic papers. In your last paragraph, you left me unsure as to who you were referring to as "human".... the stewardess or the soldiers. 30 Glen, I'm not sure "aerial bombardment" suffices as a real theme or not. But you did run with it and support it well. Your story choices were appropriate. And even though your paper read as a bit more narrative than analytical, it was well written, and therefore the score. 25 Evan, "similarities of maturing"... is that your theme? If so, the first story paragraph was the best of the three. I think the brief nature and sometimes awkward phrasing failed to make the connection very well at all in the second two story paragraphs. For example, how did the doctor mature, or the stewardess (or was it the soldiers) for that matter? 20 Chad, Your paper really didn't seem to address the topic I posed at all. It rambled from a supposed initial theme on the draft, to civil rights, to ethics. It seems as if this paper was written for something else. The paper still also exhibits some grammar/spelling/typo problems. You used the wrong vocabulary words (which had meanings opposite fo the point you were trying to make) at times, eg. inhibited (paragraph 1) Your last sentence of paragraph 1 states "America was all about capitalism and diving the working classes". Your second paragraph states "I thought we are a nation of equal rights, where we have justice". "Really?", is what I thought to myself. That paragraph ends with "educational requirements were lowered", without making it clear what you were trying to say. If lowered, did more people get to go to college and avoid the draft? Did it mean the army lowered its standards, thus taking more (stupid and) lower class men? Unclear. 25 Derek, This paper was too brief to develop your theme well. And "self justification" as a theme was a problem. To justify things to yourself. Okay, I can see where Jim in your first story made himself feel better by telling his friend's mother how he died. Did it really? Your second story seems to equate Soular and Lafferty finding fairness and justice... for themselves? Were they really similar? Your conclusion begins with "self fulfillment", and I think this is a much better example of what you were trying to show in your paper. 30 Brian, Thanks for checking your theme with me first. Other students should have done the same. I think I'll emphasize this a bit more in future classes. Your paper was impressive and the most unique in class. You were the only one to look analytically at three of the Vietnamese accounts. You've inspired me to contact the people at Moodle and see if we can't get the program to allow us to award MORE than the actual maximum points! I'd like to be able to use parts of this paper, anonymously, for future students to see as an example. Can I have your permission? (By the way, I do not intend to put ANY pressure on you. We personally don't know each other well enough to make any assumptions. I don't know if you are "protective" of your intellectual content or feel uneasy about this request. Perhaps you are just fine with it. I'll be just fine with your decision either way. Please send me a Moodle message with your reply.) 21 Amy, Your paper is much too brief to develop your theme well. You have just one big paragraph, which makes for organization problems. If you had broken it up, you'd see that your second story paragraph is really only 2 sentences. Your third paragraph rambles on vaguely about protesters and POW's without including any factual data from either the stories or videos. The paper still also exhibits some grammar/spelling/typo problems.