trautman Benjamin, Revolutionists was a poor theme choice, and your intro paragraph was horribly confused. If your focus war on war and racial prejudice, I'm not sure how the last two story choices went together. I also think paper may have been too brief to clearly make your point. The paper exhibits some grammar/spelling/typo problems and a number of awkwardly worded sentences, which led to unsupported statements. berg Brock, Your paper is far from the mark, and organization is a major problem. It does not read as if it addressed my question. It reads instead like some paper written about the failure of leadership, but then it shifts away from that idea. You have inaccurate historical information in this paper. The domino theory didn't state that countries were without culture or that powerful countries would knock down or pick up smaller nations. You also state that Walt Rostow's "solution" to end the war was possibly "great", without providing any support. We did indeed bomb the Ho Chi Minh Trail, but accomplished little. You then shift to the Gulf of Tonkin incident. But in your next story paragraph, you write "morale seemed to be the deciding factor of the war". This sounds like a new theme. gabrielson Colin, Your theme is not well stated and unclear in your intro. Dehumanizing and hatred leading to growth. When you focused on the story paragraphs, the paper was much better. Your conclusion strayed a bit and tried to wrap up much more than the assigned topic/your theme. Don't try to say or conclude too much about the entire war with just a few short stories. I'm afraid that the paper exhibits some grammar/spelling/typo problems. Please have someone proofread your work. Reminder: Always write history in past tense. These events have already happened. These speakers have already spoken about their stories. bonner Daniel, Your theme was alright, and your story choices supported it. Reminder: Always write history in past tense. These events have already happened. These speakers have already spoken about their stories. gallegos David, An improvement from your first paper. The paper exhibits some grammar/spelling/typo problems and a number of awkwardly worded sentences, which led to unsupported statements. Please have someone proofread your work. ross David, I thought your theme was a bit weak. You say "everyone who spoke in this section" was committed to a cause. That certainly was not what I was after here. Be sure to run some ideas by me as I suggested for this assignment. The rest of the paper did alright, though. FYI - Just checking, you know MASH is about Korea, not Vietnam, right? It did aire on television during the years of the Vietnam War as a sort of "lesson" for viewers. verner David, Terrific improvement from the first paper. Very thorough. Avoid the familiar/cliche phrases in future academic papers, such as "started my mind ticking" or "switch your mind off". Only one other suggestion… the sex paragraph was definitely too much. It almost read as an aside to the main theme of the paper. middlestetter Deanna, What happened? A 450 word paper? I know this paper was too brief to clearly make your point. Your paper seemed more about prejudice than a supportable theme about the war itself. Your claims in the first paragraph are not cited with any sources of proof. ebel Donald, Very unique theme and well supported. One of the best papers in class for this assignment. One small suggestion. Avoid the familiar/cliche phrases in future academic papers, such as "turned me on to this theme". wilson Dustin, Very unique theme and well supported. One of the best papers in class for this assignment. At the end, when you say the North winning would "usher in a better world", it think this statement is very difficult to support with the historical evidence. 96 haxby Ellen, Although a bit brief, your paper was impressive in that you were the only one to look analytically at three of the Vietnamese accounts. The "minds of geniuses" claim at the end needed some explanation. For example, I have two young daughters, but would never allow them to put themselves in harms way as the Vietnamese did with their children. This concept of "expendability" is certainly unique to my way of thinking, but I'm not sure I could ever concur that it was "genius". perez Hector, The paper was too brief. Read the guidelines. I'm afraid that the paper exhibits some grammar/spelling/typo problems. Please have someone proofread your work. Your paper got off topic immediately Your second story was essentially missing, and your third story was confused. The paper became a "why I'm proud to be American" Your conclusion strayed a bit and tried to wrap up much more than the assigned topic/your theme. Don't try to say or conclude too much about the entire war with just a few short stories. zumbrum Heidi, Good theme and very well written. Nice improvement from your first paper. godeka Jairus, First, I'm glad we've had a chance to speak in person, in my office, towards the beginning of the term. Most students in the class do not have that little advantage. For me, it allowed me to see your point of view. Excellent job. Story three was a bit brief, but all were on target. Reminder: Always write history in past tense. These events have already happened. These speakers have already spoken about their stories. hall Jared, This paper was too brief to clearly make your point. Your personal "awe" at the storytellers became the defacto theme, which took away from your original theme. Avoid the familiar/cliche phrases in future academic papers, such as "drink the kool-aid". Your conclusion strayed a bit and tried to wrap up much more than the assigned topic/your theme. Don't try to say or conclude too much about the entire war with just a few short stories. carlstrom Jason, Your paper read like a book report about a historical fact, the Ho Chi Minh Trail. I'm not sure that constitutes a theme. But I allowed some latitude with the personification/analogy you were making. In the first account, you conclude the trail "took her life". In the second, it "gave life". I think this was the cause of some of the confusion. In the end, the good writing and support earned the good grade. skeslien Jaymie, I'm afraid that the paper exhibits extreme grammar/spelling/typo problems. Please have someone proofread your work. It is almost impossible to understand what points you are trying to make or theme you are attempting to support. wilson Jennifer, Being a pilot is more of fact than it is a theme. Avoid the familiar/cliche tone and phrases in future academic papers, such as "let's talk about Jim Soular" or "I will be discussing today" or "died just to save your own ass". You also have factual inaccuracies and fail to cite your sources. You wrote, "I think that back in the 60's there were few chances for me to make something out of themselves." What? This is not true. The paper exhibits some grammar/spelling/typo problems and a number of awkwardly worded sentences, which led to unsupported statements. Reminder: Always write history in past tense. These events have already happened. These speakers have already spoken about their stories. carlson Jeremy, You have a fine introduction, but "disagreed with the war" is more of fact than a theme. And as a result, some of your conclusions are weak. You write, "Mr. Chao is not a supporter of killing people", but he did kill people. You write that "Mr. Baker will fight for his country, but then decided he would not fight". In the end, he did not. And your very last sentence contracts some of the claims in your paper. Reminder: Always write history in past tense. These events have already happened. These speakers have already spoken about their stories. long Jesse, Weak theme. "get things behind us to grow" None of these stories could provide you with that information. The paper exhibits some grammar/spelling/typo problems and a number of awkwardly worded sentences, which led to unsupported statements. Please have someone proofread your work. Reminder: Always write history in past tense. These events have already happened. These speakers have already spoken about their stories. powell Jolene, Nice paper. An improvement over your last one. The paper exhibits some grammar problems, particularly run on sentences. Also, avoid the hypothetical questions in academic essays. "Can you just imagine ducking and dodging bullets…?" powell Justin, This paper was a big improvement over your last one. Congratulations. The paper exhibits some grammar/spelling/typo problems and a number of awkwardly worded sentences, which led to unsupported statements. For example, you write "knowledge of the job and commitment, not their hearts or human instinct". This is unclear. Reminder: Always write history in past tense. These events have already happened. These speakers have already spoken about their stories. white Justin, Nice paper. Avoid the familiar tone such as when you wrote "kind of hard for me to come up with". That certainly isn't the best way to start. Overall, well done. Your third story was the weakest. You could certainly focus on Diem taking the blame for the strife in his country, instead of jumping straight to the U.S. That would certainly be more accurate during the time Diem was alive and in power. Cite your sources, such as the last sentence, second paragraph, quote. lonstrom Kate, This paper was an improvement over your last. I'm afraid that the paper exhibits some grammar/spelling/typo problems. Please have someone proofread your work. The biggest mistake was your use of the second story, which is the single story that all students were instructed NOT to use. Avoid the familiar/cliche tone and phrases in future academic papers, such as "keep trucking a long" or "that I am a wimp". maurer Kristen, This paper was an big improvement over your last. It was just a bit brief and more a narrative (retelling) of the stories, but I think you supported your "courage" part of your theme. hutton Kyle, We Moodle messaged and I let you know that you needed to use actual stories, like in your first paragraph. In addition, none of the claims you make in your second paragraph are supported by the facts of the war. You also make a tremendous leap from Thomson's story directly to the White House, which is also just not true. Every paragraph/story ends with you "wondering" about this or that. You need to be providing some answers in this written assignment. In story three, you say Chao had never been in a plane before, and then you say no more. You fail to include any more of the facts of his story. Of course he had been trained to fly. Reminder: Always write history in past tense. These events have already happened. These speakers have already spoken about their stories. graham Molly, Fine paper, but your theme was a bit weak, as exemplified by the last paragraph about there being "no sense of escape", but in fact, they all did survive. Last sentence in the Hegelheimer story… did she really attempt to deceive the soldiers on her plane? Nguyen imagined he would never escape… but he did. kelley Raina, Your paper was fine, but lacked a depth of analysis. I'm not sure if your theme was facets of patriotism… it was more like "expressions" of patriotism. Reminder: Always write history in past tense. These events have already happened. These speakers have already spoken about their stories. 99-100 mccort Samantha, Great job. Very nice analysis and well written. I can see the depth of your ideas, theme, and stories, although I'd like to have had a bit more in your second story. daughtry Sheila, First, I'm glad we've had a chance to speak in person, in my office, towards the beginning of the term. Most students in the class do not have that little advantage. For me, it allowed me to see your point of view. Yours was one of the best papers in class. Best factual support. You've inspired me to contact the people at Moodle and see if we can't get the program to allow us to award MORE than the actual maximum points! I'd like to be able to use parts of this paper, anonymously, for future students to see as an example. Can I have your permission? (By the way, I do not intend to put ANY pressure on you. We personally don't know each other well enough to make any assumptions. I don't know if you are "protective" of your intellectual content or feel uneasy about this request. Perhaps you are just fine with it. I'll be just fine with your decision either way. Please send me a Moodle message with your reply.) montgomery Shellea, Values does not equal valued - This was a theme problem. The paper exhibits some grammar/spelling/typo problems and a number of awkwardly worded sentences, which led to unsupported statements. Please have someone proofread your work. Your conclusion strayed a bit and tried to wrap up much more than the assigned topic/your theme. Don't try to say or conclude too much about the entire war with just a few short stories. little Spencer, The intro was nice, but it ended without me really knowing what your theme was. Nice idea, but it seemed you were missing specific references to stories 2 & 3. The inclusion of story #3 also contradicted the idea of the underdog winning. Your theme seemed to be just to point out the advantages of both sides of the conflict. That is just a fact, not a theme. 100 smith Spencer, One of the best papers in class. Best factual support. You've inspired me to contact the people at Moodle and see if we can't get the program to allow us to award MORE than the actual maximum points! I'd like to be able to use parts of this paper, anonymously, for future students to see as an example. Can I have your permission? (By the way, I do not intend to put ANY pressure on you. We personally don't know each other well enough to make any assumptions. I don't know if you are "protective" of your intellectual content or feel uneasy about this request. Perhaps you are just fine with it. I'll be just fine with your decision either way. Please send me a Moodle message with your reply.) My only criticism would be that your theme of "fear" seemed to shift to "vanishing fear" in the last two story choices. pinkerton Taylor, What happened? A 461 word paper? I know this paper was too brief to clearly make your point. Your last two paragraphs end with your "feelings", which doesn't exactly coincide with your "mistaken" theme for the storytellers. wiget Tikoya, Your theme was a bit weak. I read it basically as "let me tell you about 3 people and the 3 decisions they made". This definitely revealed a lack of analysis. For example, because Thomson made some uninformed decisions, you conclude he had no idea what he was doing. Then you go farther to say that he didn't' understand the situation at hand. What situation? The war itself? Surely he was aware of that. In your third story, you conclude Halyburton made the best decision. Which decision? To reveal actual information or when he lied about some of it. lowry Todd, First, I'm glad we've had a chance to speak in person, in my office, towards the beginning of the term. Great theme. Very well written and unique in this class. Your personal experiences were a welcome commentary on the stories you chose. I'd like to be able to use parts of this paper, anonymously, for future students to see as an example. Can I have your permission? (By the way, I do not intend to put ANY pressure on you. We personally don't know each other well enough to make any assumptions. I don't know if you are "protective" of your intellectual content or feel uneasy about this request. Perhaps you are just fine with it. I'll be just fine with your decision either way. Please send me a Moodle message with your reply.) First, I'm glad we've had a chance to speak in person, in my office, towards the beginning of the term. Great theme. Very well written and unique in this class. Your personal experiences were a welcome commentary on the stories you chose. francisco Tony, Your theme was okay, but your paper organization needed some help. As a result, your theme seemed to change as the paper went on. I'm not sure the LBJ part in the intro defined zealotry well enough. Some statements and your conclusion strayed a bit and tried to wrap up much more than the assigned topic/your theme. Don't try to say or conclude too much about the entire war with just a few short stories. allen Tracy, Normally, papers that compare YOU to he storyteller don't work week, but you did an admirable job. A large improvement from your last paper. Be careful when you claim too much. You state "people who are most likely going to die". 2.7 million served and 58,000 died… NOT most. allendar Kelley, You paper was very well written, and I appreciate that. At times, your theme was not entirely clear, though. There was some "tension" in the paper, where I believe you felt that Nguyen did more than either Sylvia or Nancy, but then you seemed to back off that claim. I do get the difference. But even in the Nguyen Chuy account, there WAS some of that "physical" aspect, although it was more subtly worded. At the end of the Sylvia story, the tension comes back with digging trails versus eating cheeseburgers. Your paper's conclusion ends with the resolution I'd expect for a paper theme about the role of women in the war.