Option 1 - Role Enforcement

1.A specific role that I have identified in my life is that of being a "mother to many."

.a. Internalization of norms: I had always believed that I was born to be a mother, that it came "naturally" to me. While reading the different socialization processes that are identified in this section I have discovered something about this role that I occupy. First of all I want to say that I still believe that there is something in me that at least feels very nautili about this, and I do not place all of my beliefs in the theory that all of my tendencies toward motherhood have been learned or socialized into me. I believe that the circumstance in which I grew up was a major ingredient in how I was shaped. However, I still believe that we are all born as individuals with a predisposition toward certain tendencies. This is evident when we take a look at Twin Studies; of twins who are identical and raised in separate adoptive homes. They grow up with many of the same tendencies. Even some strange ones. There is a dispute about the accuracy of the twin studies, but I believe that they hold enough accuracy to consider their findings as holding validity to the degree that we have to acknowledge that people are born with predispositions. However, socialization makes up at least 80% of a person's "Self." I gained this theory in the twins study, as well. For instance, even Psychological disorders that were believed to be hereditary were not found to be nearly as effectual in the lives of individuals, as was their environment, or socialization.

Keeping this all in mind and learning these key factors in the socialization process. I am convinced that at least 80% of the reason I am the mother to many is because I was encouraged toward this seemingly natural tendency from infancy. I have pictures of myself before I was a year old, holding baby dolls. I remember being called, "a little mother hen," At the age of three when my sister was born. She bumped me out of my baby position in the family. I remember mother bragging on me that I helped her more than the other children did with the new baby, even though they were order than I was. This was a positive reinforcement for me. It encouraged me to continue in this new role of "little mother hen." Whenever there are babies or small children around, all of my life, I feel drawn to them. This is probably a tendency that I have because of the pleasure I derive from it. What began as pleasure in the presence of my mother has evolved into my pleasure of being a mother.

b. Social rewards for obeying norms: The skills that I picked learned in child care have made it easier for me to figure out what to do with a screaming baby, for instance. What seems like it comes as a second nature to me, is really the knowledge that I absorbed through osmosis -- so to speak -- from being around babies and observing babies and the enjoyment that I get from caring for them. This gives me a good position in some respects. One positive experience I had was, a lady came up to me in the store one day who told me that she just wanted to tell me how good it was to see a parent using such positive influences with her children. I remember this as being a particularly difficult shopping experience, too. I was feeling really frazzled and not nearly as positive as I was portraying myself to be. I wanted to start whining back at the kids and be just as bratty as they were being. But I continued on in my persistently positive manner and was socialized into feeling proud of my accomplishment.

(c. Sanctions or threat of sanctions for disobeying norms:) Contrary to popular ideas, it is a noble position being a mother. I have trained myself not to call myself, "just a mom," when someone asks what my job is. In this society it isn't normal anymore for a mother to stay home with her children. In earlier years we were not well-off by any means, at least not to the extent that it wouldn't have been more affordable for me to work outside the home, rather than stay home with the children, but it was always my desire to raise my own children and not trust anyone else to do as good of a job as I could. My children are my number one priority, so we went without a lot of material things. I cooked most of our meals from scratch and did a lot of sewing for gifts and such. This was normal when my parents grew up, but it isn't normal anymore. I have felt this stigma from others making snide remarks about me, that I should "get a real job." Not from my husband, though. I have defended my position many times. I have an antique-looking picture on the wall with a mother and her children, that ways (sorry guys), "If this job were easy, a man would be doing it." In Japan, along with other countries, the role of a mother is considered on a higher realm as it is here in America. They place the nurturing of a mother on a sacred level. A good mother is held in awe by those around her, and complemented often. When I was a young mother of two sons it wasn't so easy to feel accomplished. There were so many demands and social pressures. I had some really nosy in-laws at the time and they came around, seemingly, just to check if I had the children's ears clean! My one son had extremely waxy ears and they were always waxy. I don't think these in-laws believed that, they just considered me lazy. I always felt inadequate when it came to being the perfect mother, back then. Even though I tried to be, there was always something that I felt I should improve upon. Now when I look back I can see that my social surroundings at that time were not nurturing for me, and as a result, I had a low self-esteem. I did have friends that encouraged me and commiserated with me about in-laws, so that helped. All of this looks to me, now, like a lot of social influence, both negative and positive. My beliefs in my abilities as a mother, that I had gained from my past experience with children, carried over into motherhood as a solid foundation.

In addition, I can recall feeling like an outcast many times when it came to being on the same level as my peers. Most of them worked outside the home. Like I mentioned before about the snide remarks, ect. I didn't fit the status quo when it came to material things. I also get the impression that people pay more attention to my parenting abilities much closer than they would if I had only a few children. I am the mother of 4 birth children and 4 adopted children, so I feel judged a lot. People like to talk and unfortunately our family is an easy target. There's never a dull moment around here so there is plenty to say. I used to get it worse than I do now. I was always getting unwanted advise on how I should be handling things. I think everyone more or less knows I have a good handle on things, now. People tend to make allowances for a messy house with this many children around, so I don't get ridiculed nearly as much by that as I used to. My house was just as cluttered with four children as it is now. It's just that now I am not socially pressured to conform to keeping a tidy house. However, it is an embarrassment to me, so I try to get it tidied up at least once a week.

Pamela
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