This isn't easy to talk about. I'm embarrassed but it's the most profound act of deviance I can think of that I did.

1. My deviant behavior was when I was in my very early 20’s. I went out with this boy who took me to a really fun place and we danced and drank all night. I really liked him and wanted him to ask me out again. I wasn’t sure how to keep him because I was naïve. So, I allowed myself to be a one-night stand. I didn’t realize he wouldn’t call me again at the time, I was blind to everything except I really wanted to go out with him again and I thought this was the way. I invited him in and he declined. I totally seduced him, we had sex and he left. I never saw or heard from him again. Of course, he told all of his friends and I was labeled as a slut.

2. The effects were horrible. I realized when he closed the door to my house he wasn’t coming back. I sat on my bed and just stared at the floor for hours. The next day, I still felt horrible. I called in sick to work for three days after that. I just sat by the phone and felt pretty awful. His friends didn’t only label me a slut, I felt like one too.

3. When I saw his friends later, they were all trying to get me to go home with them, telling me they knew I wanted it. I was laughed at and teased for weeks. I stopped going to my regular hangouts because not only were they being mean, others who had nothing to do with them but only “heard” about me were beginning to taunt me. The girls hated me. I was shunned. These people weren’t your normal bar flies. They had a lot of money and influence. My reputation was ruined because I made a rotten decision.

4. This labeling totally changed my behavior. I didn’t date for almost two years and even then, I was extremely careful. It taught me a hard lesson. I have never even considered being a one-night stand again. It’s humiliating. I eventually left town and didn’t have to face it again but it’s always been with me. I still wonder where I would be today if I hadn’t of seduced him. He liked me up until that point. After that, I was just another piece.

5. I guess that means if the episode hadn’t affected me the way it did, I could have become depressed and started a pattern of one-night stands because my self-esteem would have been destroyed. If I’m labeled or accused of being a slut, then I may as well become one. I guess I’m lucky because I didn’t let myself become a victim of secondary deviance.