I just wanted to add that I think I may have experienced a kind of unique socialization process because my parents functioned well in the mainstream, my Mom as a photo journalist/journalist, writer, legal secretary/assistant and my Dad as a business manager and consultant, and my parents had what I think to be extrodinary lives: in my parents traveling half-way around the world sailing, in my parents becoming very good at martial arts, my Dad received a second degree black belt in Karate, and my parents being bold and striving to learn good ways in life for themselves and others in their life practices and their consciousnesses. My parents had more traditional parents and families where gender was more traditional but still extrodinary. My grandmothers both graduated from universities and had full time teaching careers: one taught English for 40yrs. and the other taught Science for 20 yrs., as well as being the one mainly in charge of management of raising the kids, and household management. The older kids often helped raise the younger kids and helped my grandmothers with their teaching careers and household management. My grandfathers also worked full time and participated in the child rearing and household management somewhat. My grandparents, one set especially, had Irish Catholic views and practices in life.
I think this backround stressed excellence, high achievement, accomplishment and success in education, career, family, and knowing where you stand, right from wrong, good from bad, having good boundaries and limitations, manners, social integrity, good humor, and more good, not so good, and not so pretty.
I think my parents sought to respect their backrounds, take the good from them and heal from the not so great, and create their own lives for themselves. My parents lived in a wealthy, kind of new age community of people living together in a big estate in the bay area. The community consisted of mainly affluent, middle class, upper middle class professionals with a variety of vocations from architect and lawyer to massage therapist. I lived in this community with my parents from 4-7. My parents kind of casually explored Christianity for their spirituality as well as looked into Zen/Buddism, and other similar spiritual practices. My parents both are sort of geared towards Christianity, the Bible, and have a healthy respect for another's religion that has good healthy guidelines for living, and promotes good, family, community oriented ways. I attended a Catholic elementary school, which my parents enrolled me in, because they felt I would get a better education at this private Catholic school then at the public schools in the area.
I then got a good first hand experience of the main religious right (although a bit more modern, updated, and relaxed by the time I went to Catholic school) conventional society, as well as counter culture, subcultures, alternative cultures, more liberal left cultures of society and all the in betweens. Because I got such a good first hand exposure of diverse even opposite cultures in society, I found I could be a bit more understanding, and in some cases more tolerant of others diverse cultural ways, especially since my parents had traveled half way around the world and had related with so many different people from so many cultures, they had a better first hand experience of varying world cultures too which I derived from them somewhat too.
I have chosen in my life to be more conventional. I am a believing christian. I am the oldest child and grandchild on both sides of the family. I have chosen to give this advice to my younger brother- 7 yrs. younger than I and my sister-9 yrs. younger than I, for years: 1) stay out of trouble 2) don't smoke, drink, do drugs, or have unsafe, casual, or premarital sex 3) really truly know and love another before sleeping with them; practice safe monogamy 4) treat others well, be treated well by others 5)Strive to do well in school, work, and family 6) have good boundaries & limitations 7) avoid going to extremes 8) learn how to moderate well 9) Know where you stand, rights and wrongs 10) stand up for yourself and others; for what's good and right, take a good stand 11) right wrongs, make things good and right 12) learn forgiveness 13) be accountable, responsible and reliable in life 14) enjoy life
I would then say keep up the good work. I love You, and other positive words of praise and encouragement.
I would end sometimes by a prayer in the name of God, Jesus Christ, and the Holy Spirit.
This is how I showed that I care and love my brother and sister. My brother and sister are healthy, happy, accomplished adults now.
I think I've gained my grandparents wisdom plus my parents understanding and good awareness of positive, healing, life ways, and good consciousness of all life; in my outlook and participation in life; in society.
I think I have developed a healthy relationship to gender; to life; to society. I think anyone can accomplish any good thing they set their mind's and will's to, by God, no matter what their gender.
Even with pregnancy and childbirth, women and men both go through "being pregnant" and "delivering the child", at least my husband did. Women and men are both encouraged today, in this community especially, to really be responsibly, lovingly, mutually and equally, healthfully involved in marriage, conceiving children, pregnancy, and childbirth.
Shaunasi